lavendersparkle | Mikvah Decisions

It's 19 days until my wedding and I'm trying not to get too freaked out with organisation. One of the things I need to sort out is immersion before the ceremony.

As I see it I have three options:

Sternberg Centre
Pros: purpose built kosher mikvah, warmish water, I know it, I won't have to lie about my status to use it
Cons: no mikvah lady so I'd have to find my own witness, I think they're only open during office hours which might make finding a witness trickier.

Kenwood Ladies bathing Pond
Pros: I'm going there anyway for my bridal picnic, there will be people there who can witness, it should be a kosher mikvah because it's spring fed
Cons: It's cold, I'd have to try getting into the nip in public, it's scary dark water with fish in, I'd have to immerse a week before the wedding, I'm not 100% sure that it's kosher

An Orthodox Mikvah in Cambridge
Pros: definitely kosher, open in the evenings, there have their own mikvah lady, I might be able to buy some bedicah clothes while I'm there, they have better prep facilities
Con: I'd have to lie/allow people think untrue things about me, it's a bit scary

What do you think?

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Have you been to Kenwood? (ISTR it being mentioned as a possible hen-do venue) If so, you'll have an idea if anyone there bathes nude in the normal course of things (if not, you probably don't want to either).

Are you doing the immersion because you want to do the right thing, or because it's a requirement, and you're box-ticking? If the former (which I'm inclined to suspect), I think the Orthodox Mikvah is a less-good idea - I suspect you may feel afterwards that it wasn't quite the right thing to do. If it's more of a box-ticking exercise, then go for that if it's convenient.

How long does the process take? finding a local witness might not be too bad if they could do it as a long-lunch-hour...

[sorry if this was a little impertinent!]

I think you should go with the Sternberg Centre. What sort of a witness do you need - a Jewish one? If no Jewishness is needed I would do it (and I promise I am not saying this as an excuse to perv at naked ladies).

I'm afraid the witness is supposed to be Jewish.

Orthodox mikvaot don't usually quiz you as to who you are and what you're doing there. You can go in, say "I'm a kallah," and you'll be made welcome. I've been to a lot of mikvaot, and never once been asked anything beyond "Bath or shower?"

There's only one location which you described without using the word "scary". I think you'd better go to the Sternberg Centre. Otherwise screw up your courage and go let the mikvah ladies take care of the nice bride -- the fish won't miss you.

I had my conversion Mikvah with Masorti. I had Mikvah lady for the same Mikvah as you went. It was all organized by the Masorti Rabbi's. Maybe you should contact the New North London Synagogue. You should ask for Rabbi Jonathan Wittenberg or Rabbi Chaim Wener. They were part of the Beit Din and arranged everything else. The Mikvah lady was a nice elderly lady. I did not feel embarrassed with her as a witness. I am usually very embarrassed in front of strangers. I am surprised you did not get one.

Why not go twice? Once at the KLBP as a festive event, once at Sternberg (closer to the wedding) as a private, spiritual one.

I must say, KLBP sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity--you're not going to have a good reason to party outdoors and/or involve your friends and/or greatly inconvenience yourself once you're married. You'll have a lot of chances to go to Ortho. mikvaot and a few to go to liberal mikvaot. But when will you go back (to dunk) here, esp. if you intend to immerse at night after you're married?

If you make a second (closer to wedding) appt. at Sternberg, you'll be able to forgo the actual immersion at KLBP if it's cold or scary or doesn't feel right. Or if you're having a lot of fun, you do immerse, and it turns out to be more of an exuberant thing, you still have the chance for a meditative experience at Sternberg. As I understand, the mikveh is right there in the center, correct? So if you decide to cancel, it's not as though anyone is greatly inconvenienced--after all, they don't provide a rabbi or a mikveh lady. You could even send in a donation despite cancelling. Everybody wins.

I am with

hatam_soferet--at 7(!) mikvaot, the only things I've been asked are "You just moved in?" and "Are you staying in town for the holidays?" But I am also, obviously, with you--my mikveh problem isn't that people bother me, it's that I have to go and do a mitzvah under the welcoming eyes of decent women who would be, at the very least, disappointed if they knew the truth about my circumstances. Again, you'll have many, many chances to let "them" look the other way--for the first time, you might as well use the other alternatives.

(Also, did you mean this to be locked?! It is on google blogsearch, of all things--I naturally have a "mikveh" alert set up, and there you were.)

I went to leave the post open. I wanted input from anyone who felt like giving it and I doubt that Orthodox rabbis will be carefully printing out my userpic and handing it to mikvah ladies with a note saying "Do not dunk this woman".

figured, just making sure. ;-)

besides, your userpic is a mouse of ambiguous gender

Oops. I forgot to mention I used the same Mikvah as you. That is why I said I am surprised you had noone because I got a Mikvah lady at the Sternberg. Masorti welcomes everybody. Any converts allowed, too.

There's an orthodox mikvah in Cambridge? News to me!

There isn't a mikvah in Cambridge. There are plans to build one but it's still at the 'not got planning permission' stage. Orthodox mikvaot in London tend to be a bit more convenient because they come with mikvah ladies don't tend to require appointments so much in advance.

I think the Sternberg Centre sounds the best option.

Go with the Sternberg centre.

Can't you find a friend Reform/Liberal female rabbi to oversee your immersion? They might hang out at the Sternberg centre anyway and it would only take half an hour out of their day.

Trust me: you want your first immersion to be comfortable. And the lying sucks. If you keep Taharat haMishpacha afterwards, you can always decide on what mikvah to use for other months, but I strongly believe your first immersion should be stress-free!

Good luck and may you have a meaningful tevilah.

I messaged a rabbinic student I know but she is away and pointed out that it's outside of term time so there are fewer rabbinic students about.

Try contacting Rabbi Laura Janner-Klausner. She's one of the Rabbis at North western Reform Synagogue (affectionately known as Alyth).
http://www.alyth.org.uk/

Alyth's just round the corner from the Sternberg Centre and Laura's lovely I'm sure she'd be more than happy to help.

The mikveh "lady" can be any Jewish woman above bat mitzvah.

(Much, much less desirable is your "husband," but he's not your husband yet, so per the letter of the law it's prob. a bad idea.)

Third (last resort) is, I kid you not, a "loose-fitting net." See: http://www.yoatzot.org/question.php?id=1349

What I would do myself is dunk once to make sure all my hair gets wet (and thus doesn't float). Then dunk again and pull all of my hair down underwater (not grabbing it tightly, of course). Where are you going to find such a net? Geez.

Mikvah Decisions

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Rabbi Laura Janner-Klausner

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Rabbi Laura Janner-Klausner