(no subject)

[lavendersparkle]

In my perusing of the wedding planning part of the internet I'm getting increasingly irritable with non-religious brides who want to have an Anglican wedding so that they can get married in a pretty church but then bitch about unfair it is that the church:
a) won't let them get married in a different church to their parish church just because it's prettier and/or was in a film.
b) strongly encourages them to come to church a whole three times to hear the Banns read.
c) makes them meet with the vicar more than once and dares to try to explain Christian ideas of marriage during those meetings.
d) won't allow them to do things which it deems inappropriate during the service.
e) makes them use the liturgy of the Church of England.

The Church of England is a religious body, not a wedding and pretty building preservation service. Would these people wander into a Mosque because it was pretty and then get all uppity about how the imam wouldn't let them wear a strapless dress for the ceremony?

Comments

[cesy.livejournal.com]

And they're all so sure that the vicar is just being mean and nasty when he points out that he can't legally marry them in a church that isn't their parish church, however many years they spent there growing up, and regardless of the fact that their parents still live there.

In many ways, it would be better if church ceremonies were not legal weddings, so it worked like other religions do already, where you have a registry office ceremony for the legal bit, and a religious ceremony for actually getting married in sight of God. Then the distinction between "reducing taxes" and "making religious vows" would be much clearer, and they could do whatever they liked with their pretty wedding ideas.

[mummyfrances.livejournal.com]

this drives me nuts too! (especially as i sing in the choir at the local church for people who come only for the three times and clearly grimace at all the religious language involved in the ceremony. It is so bl**dy unfair that they can have their wedding there, whereas Emmy and I will not be able to, even though we are actually believing members of the church community.)

[atreic.livejournal.com]

It is very weird the way the church and state are all tangled together in England. I think that the root of it is not "churches are pretty, registry officers are ugly" (after all, lots of people have civil ceramonies in castles and stately homes) but a much more complicated set of unvoiced prejudices that go "church weddings are _real_ weddings and registry office weddings are a cheap imitation for poor people and divorced people and foreign people". But people don't articulate this, they just feel strangely pressured into having a church wedding because registry office weddings are "bad", and then are annoyed and upset that the church wedding is not the wedding they want (especially because church weddings on the telly usually are completely made up) and this comes out in bitching about the vicor being an arse because they don't really understand what they've chosen to do or why.

(Or maybe I am too cynical)

[cartesiandaemon.livejournal.com]

I agree entirely, in that if one has been paying any attention whatsoever, you should realise that the church is a CoE church, and they may let you get married in it, but whining about the details will be just pointless/offensive, even if they're annoying.

OTOH, when you said "The Church of England is a religious body, not a wedding and pretty building preservation service", it occurred to me whether it should be :) That is, three-quarter tongue in cheek, everyone wants churches to be preserved, and I think they should also be treated with respect and not used for whatever anyone likes, but on the other hand, is the natural successor of the last several hundred years of CoE all people in England who have a Christian background, or only people who are actively CoE?

We sort of assume the second, except that the church does generally go out of its way to accept sort-of and mostly Christians. And I'm not sure if it holds water, but I'm wondering if you could argue churches ought to be available to everyone.

(That doesn't make any difference about the complaints, because even if you were to disagree with how CoE handles churches, it's not the local vicar's fault, so there's no point complaining about him. I just thought it was interesting.)